Eddie spent most of his life running away from home?
The empty spaces were created before his adult body started its journey?
If you have been abused or are still being abused.
You probably just need a little help from someone who can listen to you and allow you to cry while you tell the darkest secrets you have been trained never to tell to anyone?
Child abuse can happen in different ways, and can include neglect as well as physical, emotional and sexual abuse. In many cases, people experience more than one type of abuse. Often, people abuse others because they want power and control over them. If you were abused as a child, it's important to remember that it’s not your fault or because of anything that you did. Abusive behaviour towards children is always wrong and never the child’s fault.
It's well-know that around one in four adults, both male and female, has experienced abuse as a child. Some find that with the support of their family and friends they are able to move on from their childhood abuse. But for many survivors, talking about the abuse to someone who is professional, caring and independent, from an organisation that helps survivors, such as Victim Support, is an essential step...
You probably just need a little help from someone who can listen to you and allow you to cry while you tell the darkest secrets you have been trained never to tell to anyone?
Child abuse can happen in different ways, and can include neglect as well as physical, emotional and sexual abuse. In many cases, people experience more than one type of abuse. Often, people abuse others because they want power and control over them. If you were abused as a child, it's important to remember that it’s not your fault or because of anything that you did. Abusive behaviour towards children is always wrong and never the child’s fault.
It's well-know that around one in four adults, both male and female, has experienced abuse as a child. Some find that with the support of their family and friends they are able to move on from their childhood abuse. But for many survivors, talking about the abuse to someone who is professional, caring and independent, from an organisation that helps survivors, such as Victim Support, is an essential step...
This document is the first in a series of three deeply personal books where I recount my turbulent life story, from childhood abuse and struggles with identity to my ongoing journey of healing and self-discovery. I explore the lasting impact of early trauma and my adult pursuit of control, purpose, and meaning.
I begin with my early life marked by poverty and feelings of abandonment due to my parents' long working hours. I detail the traumatic experiences of being sexually abused by various adults starting at age six, which left a lasting impact on my mental health and sense of self. This abuse continued into adolescence, leading to further struggles with identity and self-worth, and coping mechanisms such as petty crime and substance abuse.
In adulthood, I describe my tumultuous relationships, including a challenging marriage marked by financial strain and infidelity. Despite becoming a parent, I struggled to connect with my children due to unresolved trauma. I also faced significant injuries and long periods of recovery, which led to further self-reflection.
I transition to a more stable existence, thanks to my second wife, who helped lift me from a life of chaos. We ran a small business together in Scotland and later became traveling artists, living in various unconventional homes and traveling across Europe, Scandinavia, and the Middle East. I earned a living as a street performer and professional circus clown.
I also reflect on my inability to sustain relationships with my children and most of my grandchildren. After my second wife left and I attempted suicide, I began to confront the profound wounds inflicted during childhood. This painful reckoning marked the beginning of a long therapeutic process, which ultimately paved the way for the third and most transformative chapter of my life.
I conclude with my journey towards healing, which included therapy and self-exploration. I emphasize the importance of confronting past traumas and using my experiences to help others facing similar challenges. Despite numerous hardships, I show resilience and a desire to help others, emphasizing the importance of confronting one’s past to move forward.
Overall, this document serves as a testament to the possibility of healing and the power of sharing one's story. It illustrates the complexity of my life journey, marked by pain, resilience, and the ongoing quest for understanding and peace.
I begin with my early life marked by poverty and feelings of abandonment due to my parents' long working hours. I detail the traumatic experiences of being sexually abused by various adults starting at age six, which left a lasting impact on my mental health and sense of self. This abuse continued into adolescence, leading to further struggles with identity and self-worth, and coping mechanisms such as petty crime and substance abuse.
In adulthood, I describe my tumultuous relationships, including a challenging marriage marked by financial strain and infidelity. Despite becoming a parent, I struggled to connect with my children due to unresolved trauma. I also faced significant injuries and long periods of recovery, which led to further self-reflection.
I transition to a more stable existence, thanks to my second wife, who helped lift me from a life of chaos. We ran a small business together in Scotland and later became traveling artists, living in various unconventional homes and traveling across Europe, Scandinavia, and the Middle East. I earned a living as a street performer and professional circus clown.
I also reflect on my inability to sustain relationships with my children and most of my grandchildren. After my second wife left and I attempted suicide, I began to confront the profound wounds inflicted during childhood. This painful reckoning marked the beginning of a long therapeutic process, which ultimately paved the way for the third and most transformative chapter of my life.
I conclude with my journey towards healing, which included therapy and self-exploration. I emphasize the importance of confronting past traumas and using my experiences to help others facing similar challenges. Despite numerous hardships, I show resilience and a desire to help others, emphasizing the importance of confronting one’s past to move forward.
Overall, this document serves as a testament to the possibility of healing and the power of sharing one's story. It illustrates the complexity of my life journey, marked by pain, resilience, and the ongoing quest for understanding and peace.
One Night in Shanghai - Book One of Three - Summary...
This is the preface to a book telling the true story of Eddie Haworth FRSA, who was brought up in a deprived area of northern England, he was sexually abused from the age of six.
By the time he reached his twenties he had been in jail, was a drug user and a young father. Following the breakdown of his first marriage, he became a heavy drinker living the itinerant life of a street entertainer for several years, before becoming a full-time professional Circus Clown.
So how did he end up travelling around Thailand’s remote border regions entertaining thousands of disadvantaged people for 20 years before coming back to his roots in Bolton?
By the time he reached his twenties he had been in jail, was a drug user and a young father. Following the breakdown of his first marriage, he became a heavy drinker living the itinerant life of a street entertainer for several years, before becoming a full-time professional Circus Clown.
So how did he end up travelling around Thailand’s remote border regions entertaining thousands of disadvantaged people for 20 years before coming back to his roots in Bolton?
Part of the long lasting "Lost period" in Eddie's survival?
In short...
My youth was agonisingly lonely, in maturity I was tortured and disruptive, yet middle-age empowered me...
This life of mine has been one hell of a ride so far, even though I've spent a great part of it staring into the fiery jaws of those paedophile monsters who gnawed away at every fibre of my innermost soul.
But now I have finally reached Valhalla and I have built a safe and happy environment that I am proud to share with thousands of innocent children and hopefully with the remains of my own family before I reach my expiration date.
"Alas, not with the only true love of my life, Charlotte".
My youth was agonisingly lonely, in maturity I was tortured and disruptive, yet middle-age empowered me...
This life of mine has been one hell of a ride so far, even though I've spent a great part of it staring into the fiery jaws of those paedophile monsters who gnawed away at every fibre of my innermost soul.
But now I have finally reached Valhalla and I have built a safe and happy environment that I am proud to share with thousands of innocent children and hopefully with the remains of my own family before I reach my expiration date.
"Alas, not with the only true love of my life, Charlotte".
Eddie, his sister and Granddad 1957.
Eddie's Lifelong Nightmares Started in 1957
I stopped being a victim and started being a survivor
I was born in a caravan which was surrounded by coal mines and cotton mills in the located in a filthy, polluted part of Manchester in the North West of England in 1952. I had two teenaged half-sisters and a younger sister who was born when i was two years old and soon after our parents had saved enough to pay the deposit on a very small terraced house near Bolton.
That is where I spent my early childhood learning how to survive the rigours of living in one of Britain’s most deprived areas in a house that shared an outside toilet with six other back-to-back terraced hovels.
This was also during a time when children like me were often left to get on with the business of growing up virtually alone while our parents went out to work for 12 hours a day in, truly, dark satanic mills, factories or coal mines.
However, I think I was still quite a happy child living the same life as all my friends and family who knew little about how green the grass may be in more affluent parts of the world, or even just within the small town where I lived?
I was happy at least until the age of 6, but that’s when my innocence and childhood was sickeningly ripped away from me by the first of many evil men and one woman who’s selfish aim was to steal the very soul of any child, alone and vulnerable enough to be drawn into their grasp...
(None of the predators were family members)
It wasn’t until I reached my early 40s when faced with a life-threatening trauma that I realised I’d never really had a happy childhood or even a stable adult life. I reached that realisation following some expertly administered therapy that I needed to help me recover from years of mental instability, alcoholism, depression and suicide attempts.
Through the therapy, I learned to face up to the mistakes I had made and the pain I suffered. Then in my early 50’s I started to discover that the mistakes have made me smarter, the pain has made me stronger.
More importantly, I learned to spot damaged or lost innocence in those who may not yet know how their own childhood is being or has already been stolen from them.
So now I use my training and experience in delivering empathy and pathos via the art of my "Character Mime Performances" as a tool to help fix many broken young souls who I choose not to ignore.
In this way, I am happy to give them a glimpse into my own lost dreams, hoping they may eventually replace their nightmares with happy memories they never dreamed they could own.
I was born in a caravan which was surrounded by coal mines and cotton mills in the located in a filthy, polluted part of Manchester in the North West of England in 1952. I had two teenaged half-sisters and a younger sister who was born when i was two years old and soon after our parents had saved enough to pay the deposit on a very small terraced house near Bolton.
That is where I spent my early childhood learning how to survive the rigours of living in one of Britain’s most deprived areas in a house that shared an outside toilet with six other back-to-back terraced hovels.
This was also during a time when children like me were often left to get on with the business of growing up virtually alone while our parents went out to work for 12 hours a day in, truly, dark satanic mills, factories or coal mines.
However, I think I was still quite a happy child living the same life as all my friends and family who knew little about how green the grass may be in more affluent parts of the world, or even just within the small town where I lived?
I was happy at least until the age of 6, but that’s when my innocence and childhood was sickeningly ripped away from me by the first of many evil men and one woman who’s selfish aim was to steal the very soul of any child, alone and vulnerable enough to be drawn into their grasp...
(None of the predators were family members)
It wasn’t until I reached my early 40s when faced with a life-threatening trauma that I realised I’d never really had a happy childhood or even a stable adult life. I reached that realisation following some expertly administered therapy that I needed to help me recover from years of mental instability, alcoholism, depression and suicide attempts.
Through the therapy, I learned to face up to the mistakes I had made and the pain I suffered. Then in my early 50’s I started to discover that the mistakes have made me smarter, the pain has made me stronger.
More importantly, I learned to spot damaged or lost innocence in those who may not yet know how their own childhood is being or has already been stolen from them.
So now I use my training and experience in delivering empathy and pathos via the art of my "Character Mime Performances" as a tool to help fix many broken young souls who I choose not to ignore.
In this way, I am happy to give them a glimpse into my own lost dreams, hoping they may eventually replace their nightmares with happy memories they never dreamed they could own.